In the United Kingdom, there is a procedure that you must follow in order to adopt a child. But first, you need to decide on which country you want to adopt from. Then, you must find out if the country is a Hague Convention country or a country on the designated list. A Hague Convention country is a country that signed up to the 1993 Hague Convention on intercountry adoption. It is an act meant to protect children who are being adopted internationally. If the country is a Hague Convention country, the adoption will be recognized in both countries, and the child will automatically acquire British nationality. If the country is not a Hague Convention country, the United Kingdom will recognize countries on the designated list and adoptions from them, but the child will not automatically be considered a British citizen, so you need to have a clear immigration plan. If a country does not fit either of these, then you might need to apply for adoption in both countries. 

The law in the United Kingdom is very broad in criteria for those that can apply to adopt. The only requirements are that you must be at least 21 years of age, have not been a convicted felon, and you live in the United Kingdom. An adoption agency authorized to handle intercountry adoptions will also need to approve your suitability to be a parent. They will look at your finances, health, and any other children in your family. The steps in adopting include a home study—completed by a social worker—a panel approval of ten experts, certificate of eligibility to adopt, being matched with a child, and then the legal process with immigration. To begin this process, you will need to make contact with an adoption agency to receive information on their services. The adoption agency will formally assess you to determine if you are eligible to adopt. While it is a long process, it is definitely worth the extra time to bring a child into your home. For more information, visit www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk.

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1. The Adoption Contact Register: This reunion registry is operated the United Kingdom. If you were adopted, you can add yourself to the register; however, you must be at least 18 years of age and your birth or adoption registered with the General Register Office. If you are adopted and you are trying to find birth relatives, you will need to fill in form CR part 1 on their website. You will need to know your original birth name, your date of birth, and the full name(s) of your birth mother (and birth father if known). You will pay a fee of £15. You can also add yourself to the register if you are a birth relative trying to find an adopted person. You will need to be at least 18 years old and will pay a fee of £30. You will fill out the CR part 2 form. You can only find people who also added themselves. Visit www.gov.uk to get started. 
2. Adoption Search Reunion: This website was created to be the first port of call for those who are wanting to search for adopted relatives or birth relatives in the United Kingdom. On this website, you can search their adoption records database, receive education on legal rights, and register to search for a relative. For more information visit www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk

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1. Mumsnet

Covering topics like “choosing a school,” “how to speed up time,” and “sibling adoption,” threads on this website are likely to be responded to with honesty and positivity, giving you a realistic idea of how to navigate the challenges of your adoption journey.

2. Mothering.com/forum/

Subscribed to by mothers all over the world, this website covers topics from healthy eating to attachment to haircuts. You will find mothers asking proactive questions about adoption decisions that are responded to with truthfulness and encouragement.

3. Adoption.com/forums/88/uk-and-Ireland-adoption/

From adoptees looking for their birth mothers to artists making BBC adoption documentaries, this forum is a positive arena for connecting with those in your nation thriving through adoption.

4. Netmums.com/support/all-about-adoption

Beginning by helping you determine your adoption eligibility, this forum helps you to find a community, get a home study, and learn how to be matched with a child. You may be surprised to earn that you are exactly the kind of person who is welcome to adopt, and you can move forward in your journey with grace and confidence. 

5. Forums/afteradoption.org/uk

Adoptees looking for birth parents, writing letters to blood relatives, and looking for a company can be found here.

6. Fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/

Seeking to provide a balanced view of adoptions, this website contains real but positive stories about successful adoptions and flourishing kids.

7. Adopterssupportuk.freeforums.net

Check out the “Good board” for positive adoption narratives on this site, as well as a myriad of resources for working with children who have ADHD, FAS, and sensory issues.

8. First4adoption.org.uk/supportttype/web-forums/

Adoption professionals, inspiring quotes, and a step-by-step breakdown of the adoption process can be found on this forum. Those who thought they could may not be candidates for adoption may be pleasantly surprised at their eligibility.

9. Familytreeforum.com

The miracle and joy of adoption are apparent here, where articles, blogs, and projects are also available. Family tree photos and genealogy searches are common.

10. Adoptionheart.org.uk

Waiting children, prospective adoptive parents, and birth relatives can be found here, along with a support team of clinical psychologists, play therapists, and social workers. The village it takes to change a life is available at your fingertips!

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The Adoption Process: U.K. Versus U.S.

Private Versus Public Adoption Agencies

In the United States, private adoption agencies are prevalent (although you can also adopt through public agencies that are operated by the state). However, the use of private agencies is not even an option in the United Kingdom, where adoptions are always facilitated by either a local agency (click here to find the agency affiliated with your local council) or a voluntary adoption agency (an independent organization typically run by a charity).

The Consortium of Voluntary Adoption Agencies (CVAA) defines a voluntary adoption agency (VAA) as “an organization that recruits, assesses, and approves families for children for whom adoption is the plan. They also work with local authorities to match, place and support children with prospective adopters.” VAAs are independent, nonprofit organizations that provide lifelong support to all members of the adoption triad, and they operate across regional and national boundaries (i.e., across the entire U.K.). VAAs specialize in placing children with special needs (known in the U.K. as priority children). There are 34 agencies in all, and they serve Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, the Isle of Man, and every region of England.

The U.K. Adoption Process in a Nutshell

If you’re at least 21, you can apply to adopt a child through one of the two types of agencies discussed above. You must be able to show proof that you can provide a permanent, stable, and caring home. You contact the agency, and they send you information. The agency arranges to meet you, and you may also be invited to meet with others who are also interested in forming their families through adoption. If you and the agency agree that you’d like to work together, they give you an application. In order to proceed, you as an adoptive parent or parents must be approved by the agency to which you apply—and all domestic adoptions go through the state. Approval takes about 6 months, at which time you are typically matched with a child.

The Financial End of Adoption in the U.K.

Although private adoption expenses for families in the U.S. can run anywhere from $20,000 to $40,000, this is not the case for adoptions in the U.K. (remember, there are no private agencies in the U.K.). Similar to domestic adoptions in the U.S. (which also go through the state and cost very little), U.K. adoptions cost nearly nothing. It’s mainly just a small court fee for the adoption application.

The Procedural End of Adoption in the U.K.

Foster-to-Adopt in the U.K.

This is a relatively new concept that the U.K. is just beginning to embrace. What we in the U.S. refer to as “foster-to-adopt” or “fostering for adoption” is known as “dual approval” or “early permanence” in the U.K. This type of adoption is still very much in development. Only a few agencies even offer this option to their applicant families. First4Adoption, an impartial, nonpartisan national information service for people interested in adopting a child in England, defines early permanence as a situation in which “children may be placed in their home at the earliest opportunity by being placed with adopters who are also approved as foster carers, who initially foster the child and may become their adopters once the court proceedings have been concluded.” If dual approval (early permanence) is not present, then a family who is seeking to adopt a child they’ve been fostering needs to be reassessed and reapproved before petitioning the courts in the U.K. to adopt that child.

For more information on the adoption process in the U.K., see the following websites:

• http://www.cvaa.org.uk/
• http://www.first4adoption.org.uk/
• http://foster-care-newsletter.com/us-vs-uk-international-differences-in-fostering-and-adoption/#.W0NhGtJKgU-

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• improve relationships with friends, family members, teachers and school staff
• improve engagement with learning
• improve emotional regulation and behavior management
• improve confidence and ability to enjoy a positive family life and social relationships

Families are given access to this fund if they meet these criteria:

• A family has children up to and including the age of 21 or 25 and have a SEN Statement or ECH Plan
• The child has been adopted from local authority care in England or have been adopted from Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland, but are living in England. 
• An assessment of the families’ adoption support need was made by a local authority. Families have the right to request an assessment; the local authority is required by law to assess. It is the responsibility of the local authority to assess for adoption support needs for three years after the adoption order is complete. After the first three years, it is the responsibility of the local authority where you live if it is different.

After April 1, 2016, the fund became available for children after being placed in England and for special guardians who care for children who were looked after immediately prior to the special guardianship order.

According to familylives.org.uk, “A special guardianship order is an order appointing one or more individuals to be a child’s ‘special guardian.’ It is a private law order made under the Children Act 1989 and is intended for those children who cannot live with their birth parents and who would benefit from a legally secure placement.”

The social worker should talk to you about who can provide the types of service that you need and will recommend a provider. This could be an NHS provider, the local authority itself, a nearby local authority, or an independent provider. Local authorities are able to submit applications for funding before an adoption order so that any package of support from the time of placement can be continued once the adoption order is made. In 2016 and  2017, the fund was being extended to include packages of work that take place prior to the adoption order being made.

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1. The United Kingdom is a Hague Convention country meaning that any child placed for adoption is limited to first– or second–level, biological relatives. This means that children must be adopted by grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Under the United Kingdom law, other adoptive placements are currently allowed. If you are a United States citizen seeking to adopt from the United Kingdom, you must be a biological relative of the child.
2. Just like any other international adoption, you must travel to the country before you can adopt a child. As a pre-adoptive family, you will have to make an initial visit to the United Kingdom so that the social worker can verify the family commitment to the adoption. In the United Kingdom, a 10-week bonding period is required. Part of this will be spent in the United Kingdom and part of it will be spent in the United States. You may transport the child, or the child may be transported by the social worker. You will make a final visit to the United Kingdom to attend the court hearing to complete the adoption. Upon arrival, you will file the child’s paperwork at the United States embassy and obtain the child’s immigrant Visa. Once the child has arrived in the United States, he/she will automatically become a United States citizen. Your child will receive a certificate of United States citizenship a few weeks later. 
3. The total cost of an adoption in the United Kingdom is about $6,000; however, as the adoptive family, your costs are minimal. In most cases, the United Kingdom council will cover most of the expenses. You may have to pay for the cost of an agency if you choose to go through an agency. A great agency to work with is Nightlight Christian Adoptions. To learn more, visit www.nightlight.org

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As we started our process, we decided on the things that were important to us in an agency. We didn’t have any experience nor did we know anyone who had gone through an adoption within a similar time frame; everyone we did know had gone through the process many years before us and hadn’t been given any choices whatsoever in any adoption. It was in our research to find the right agency that we learned the difference between a good agency and a great one.

Most agencies have good intentions…that was a necessity… It was our ultimate goal to find a truly good organization whose intention was to create forever families. For us it was important to know the total of our financial responsibilities, what would be expected from us at various points of the process, and the different classes and home inspections we’d have to pass, to name a few things.

And after we started talking to different agencies we learned the difference between finding a good agency and a great one. And, if I may, I’d like to share what we discovered with you. I hope this information will save you the same growing pains that we faced when we were just starting.

Good Agency V. Great Agency

– A good agency will help you understand their process, but a great agency will provide you detailed information in written form to help you know what’s coming next at every turn.

– A good agency will pair you up with a counselor, but a great one will pair you up with a counselor that best fits your personalities and truly understands your goals.

-A good agency will act as a liaison between the birth parents and the adoptive parents, but a great one will be with you by your side throughout the entire process.

-A good agency will advise you of your options and make suggestions, but a great one will support you regardless of what decision you make without guilting you into making a different decision.

-A good agency will walk you through the different phases from beginning to end, but a great one will walk with you.

There are a lot of choices to make when you first decide to bring a child into your family. For every person that list of choices isn’t going to be the same. It’s important to consider your top priorities, stick to them, and never allow yourself to be pressured into making a decision. A great agency will provide you a list of former families who have used their services. This can be an incredibly valuable tool, use it wisely.

Do your homework, talk to people about their experiences, and trust your gut. It’s the beginning of one of the most incredible things to ever happen to your life. You’ll want it to be the best it can be. Finding your true fit will make all the difference in your story. Click here if you’re interested in learning more about the UK adoption process.

To kickstart your international adoption journey, visit Adoption.com/international.

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1) You will complete a lot of paperwork.

Be prepared to provide details about your background, family, employment and finances. You’ll also need to write an autobiography about your childhood, parenting style and beliefs as well as a letter to potential birth parents.

2) You’ll need to schedule a physical with your family doctor.

As part of your adoption requirements, you’ll need a clean bill of health. You can start by taking good care of yourself now and ensuring any health issues are addressed.

3) It’s important to work with a good, reputable adoption agency or attorney.

A skilled professional will help you successfully navigate adopting, ensure all legal requirements are met and be there to support and guide you.

4) A home study is not as scary as it sounds.

A social worker will set up a series of visits in your home to be sure you can provide a safe, loving environment for a child. Although this may sound intimidating, it’s actually a great opportunity to learn more about the adoption process and what to expect. Your social worker is not there to judge or scrutinize, but rather to educate you and prepare you for your adoption journey. He or she will also answer any questions or concerns you may have.

5) The adoption process is unpredictable, and the wait can be long.

There is really no way of knowing when you’ll adopt or what situations you’ll encounter. With domestic infant adoption, expectant parents choose you, so it really depends on what they are looking for and whether or not you’re a good match for them. With international adoptions, requirements and laws can change at any time and sometimes programs close unexpectedly or get put on hold. No matter what type of adoption you’re pursuing, expect the unexpected. Bring plenty of patience and try to be flexible whenever possible.

6) You’ll need to do some networking to help increase your chances of adopting.

If you just sit back and wait for an expectant parent to come to your agency and choose you, you could be waiting a very long time. Those who adopt successfully often network on their own to increase their chances and shorten their wait times. Some ideas you might want to consider are: an online adoption profile, business cards that express your desire to adopt, letters to family and friends, word of mouth, newspaper ads and a toll-free number for pregnant women to contact you.

7) Most adoptions today have some degree of openness.

Gone are the days where birth parents had no contact or involvement with adoptive families. The majority of domestic adoptions now include communication through letters, photos, phone calls, and even visits. Some families choose to communicate through the adoption agency; others have direct contact. It all depends on what both parties agree on.

8) Adoption scams are more common than you think.

You’ll need to be careful when dealing with adoption professionals and potential birth parents. Not every agency is reputable, so do your homework first. Also be aware of red flags with expectant mothers, such as wanting large sums of money, not providing proof of pregnancy, not working with an adoption agency or attorney, etc. Many hopeful adoptive parents, including myself, have come across at least one person who was pretending to be pregnant to get gifts and money.

9) Some days you will feel like giving up.

The adoption process is an up-and-down emotional roller coaster. Failed matches, a long wait, and unexpected obstacles can leave you feeling sad and discouraged. You may wonder if you’ll ever become a parent and, on your worst days, you may even consider giving up on adopting. This is all part of the journey. Hang in there and know that most people who pursue adoption are eventually successful.

10) The day you bring your child home will be a day you never forget.

Holding your child in your arms for the first time and bringing him or her home will fill you with a mixture of overwhelming love and fear. Your life will never be the same. But that’s a good thing. All your struggles and disappointments have led you to your precious child. You are a parent at last—and now the journey really begins.

Deanna Kahler

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Now, it is important to know there is a chance you may not locate them. In my youngest son’s case, his biological mother did not know who the biological father was because at the time she was a prostitute, so there is no biological father listed on his birth certificate. It is also important to understand that depending on the reason as to why you were taken into protective custody, that your biological parents may not be living in the same area anymore, or they may have passed away.

Your Search

I took to Google to try and find the best website that can aid you in your search.  The website I found that has the best information is on this website. Here, this website goes step by step on how to register yourself in the UK adoption contact register. The great thing about registering yourself is it gives all possible family members the opportunity to locate you. It also gives you access to their registry to search for family members yourself.

To apply, you must know your birth name, birth date, be at least 18 years of age, and at least the name of your biological mother. This website also can help you access your birth records. There is a fee (£15) to register yourself to connect with your family members. Being able to access you birth records may also assist in finding siblings or extended family if you are unable to get in contact with your birth parents.

Another option if you are unable to connect with you birth parents is doing DNA testing. This can determine your heritage. For a lot of children that were adopted, they just want to be in touch with their culture. This helps to connect with their roots. If this is the case, then you can look into genetic testing. There are plenty of companies out there that you can search, but one of the most popular is 23andMe. For younger children or babies who don’t know how to spit into a test tube, there is Ancestry DNA and/or My Heritage. These companies use a mouth swab to collect the specimen.

I hope that this information helps guide you on your journey in finding your birth parents, finding siblings, finding family members, or figuring out your heritage.

Jade Carterette

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1) FOCUS ON THE CHILD’S NEEDS, NOT YOUR JUST OWN

This is not to say ignore your own needs and to totally forego self-care. By all means, take care of yourself! Develop relationships with Big People, other than your little ones. Spend some alone time some time during the day. Recharge your batteries. But if you are going to be a successful foster parent, you need to meet the child where he is and meet his needs. If we are looking for a child to meet some unfulfilled need in our lives, we will be sorely disappointed. Children were never meant to meet the needs of adults; adults are supposed to meet the needs of children. Rather than asking yourself, “Why does this child act the way he does?” ask yourself, “What happened in the child’s past that has caused extreme needs in his life?” Foster children are often the recipients of unimaginable trauma through abuse, neglect, or abandonment that many people have no frame of reference for. Their behaviors are different from that of other children because their experiences have been different. To give that child unconditional love changes the course of their future. It is all about the child, not us!

2) FOCUS ON THE FUTURE

Sometimes, it is difficult to see past our current issues with a foster child because the barriers seem so insurmountable. Keep this perspective: your child will not always have the issues they have now. There is hope for the future! When you visualize success in your foster child, it motivates your child to succeed. When my oldest children were younger, I had the opportunity to coach some of them in town sports. They were so athletically talented, I imagined trips to the World Series, to the World Cup, and to the Super Bowl! It’s tempting for every dad to live vicariously through his children. But the point is, I imagined success for my child and was very proud of them when they succeeded.

When they failed athletically, I didn’t take it personally, we simply identified the problem and mapped a way to solve the problem. That may be a bit simplistic, but it should be that way with foster children. We need to meet a foster child where he is, accept his faults, failures, and screw-ups, and then lead him to where he needs to be. Celebrate what the child can be!

3) FOCUS ON THEIR STRENGTHS

Do you ever have one of those days when it is very difficult to see the positive in your foster children? Because you live with them 24/7 it is very tempting to correct them and to point out their every flaw. Spilled milk, toothpaste on the mirror, fights over toys, a nose that hasn’t been wiped for five hours, pizza stains on a shirt, all come with the territory of being a normal parent. But as a foster parent there are the added issues of meltdowns after visits with families, feeding issues, and even self-harming behaviors that would scare any experienced foster parent.

Years ago, one of our sons thought he needed a haircut, so he cut his own hair! Another son, when he was six years old, decided to experiment with Dad’s razor. Bad idea… Both had something in common: Curiosity! Of course, we corrected them, but rather than focus on what they did wrong, I capitalized on their natural inclination to experiment and investigate and visualized something positive.

It’s so easy to focus on the negative. But here’s the challenge: look at one strength your child has and verbalize it to the child once per day. This is might be tougher for dads than moms because dads want our kids to be tough. But it is very possible that foster children have never had positive reinforcement in their lives, and this is the first time that anyone ever told him he was loved, wanted, and worthwhile. Over time, a foster child will head further in the right direction. It won’t be overnight success, but time plus consistency, will eventually yield a positive change.

Perspective

Perspective is everything! If we put ourselves in the shoes of the children and see things from their perspectives, we will be able to better help. Understand the past, hope for the future, and put into practice compassionate action in the present, and you will spur that child toward greatness and this will help to be the best foster parents ever! The correct perspective makes all the difference.

If you would like to learn more about foster parenting and UK adoption, click here!

Derek Williams

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